I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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