either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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