She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
