There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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