I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
