I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize