You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i drank out of a bidet.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
