i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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