Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
