do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
