remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
