I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
