make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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