I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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