I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize