i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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