I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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