They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
