There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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