We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
