Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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