East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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