Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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