Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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