If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How does one acquire holy water?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
