So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
