duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
