You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
