i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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