If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
