weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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