i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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