just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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