he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
