shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
