Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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