Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
