i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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