If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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