Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
