Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
