Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
