i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They are going to name an STD after you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize