I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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