You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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