How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
