Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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