I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
