my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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