i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
