So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize