my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
