when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
