I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
