Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
