so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
