there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
