walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
