I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
