yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
