Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
