apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
