I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can I color on your dick again?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
