This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize