You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
