so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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