I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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