hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
