I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
