tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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