im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
