1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
