dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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