Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
