connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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