Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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