We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
