If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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