You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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