Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize