i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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