Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
