I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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