he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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