I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
