it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
