You're so nebulous sometimes
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
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