Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
