so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
