I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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