What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
