upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
