dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
